if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize
