My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
