I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize