I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
