and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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