I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize