Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
