i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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