can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
