Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You took a bar mat shot.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
