You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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