Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Randomize