I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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