omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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