So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You ruined the universe
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
