Screwed.edu
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Randomize
