Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
