babies were throwing up all over the place
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
