And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
