11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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