Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
BRING THE BAGELS
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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