I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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