so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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