Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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