You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
she smelled like a LAN party
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
