I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize