I will die if light touches me.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
