so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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