So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
