the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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