U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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