When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
