Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
