just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize