You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
