I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
