In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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