you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
