No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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