Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
