never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
