I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize