He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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