What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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