first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i drank out of a bidet.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
