Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
