somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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