well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
