Kareoke will never be a sober sport
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
