If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize