Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
