just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
