I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
