and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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