My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
