I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize