You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
