imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
