What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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