There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
