we have officially lost it.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
