he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
dude. I can hear the air.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
