I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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