I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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