Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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