They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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