Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
