You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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