i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
