dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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