I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
