OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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